Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Not feeling shit hot
Hi all
Am feeling rather "funny" today - am feeling blue, am feeling fat, am feeling skinny, am feeling tired, am feeling just strange over all...
Ok I am confused so I guess you guys are too - so I will try not to turn this into a pity post as that is certainly NOT what I want - I am using the journal as a place to express my feelings and concerns and that is all... not sure how to make entries in "blogger" private as yet otherwise I would consider doing that depending on what comes out of my fingers in the next wee while.
At the same time as feeling skinny and looking good today - I also felt short, fat and ugly (I often used to call myself that). I wore makeup today to work for the first time and no one commented at all so why did I go to that trouble this morning... All I wanted to do this evening was go for a walk (and yes I know its not too late yet) but I can't be arsed doing so but yet in my mind I am telling myself to go but physically I just don't want to and can not be bothered! Who knows maybe I will go later since daylight savings has started but odds are that I won't! Will probably end up here at the computer - maybe even eating god knows what!
Yes I did enjoy the gym yesterday but today is another day altogether - one that I don't want to be in at all! I do hate these days but I find they are happening more often lately - maybe it is something to do with work, maybe it is something to do with life in general, maybe it is something to do with my lifestyle... god only knows what it is cause I sure as hell don't!
Food today - not good as I am finding myself slowly slipping into old habits (i.e. chocolate each day) and as much as it really brasses me off I keep on flaming well doing it! Water - whats that today - only 750mls today if that! Exercise - well we covered that above.
I think I need to do a lot of self-talk re the "short, fat and ugly" tag that I have given myself for so many years as I really think that has something to do with how I am feeling as I find myself using that tag a lot more often recently after rarely using for a number of months! Yes I am short - not a lot anyone can do about that! Yes I am fat still - I may have lost almost 40 kilos but I am still considered fat and obese by all standards! Yes I am working on that issue but right now I ain't getting very far at all! And yes I do see myself as ugly at times but I think that is mostly weight related but sometimes it does go deeper than that... but I guess that is something that I have to work through overtime and by myself. And one more thing I see myself as is lazy!! Yes I know I go the gym etc but at times I still struggle as seeing myself as a fit person or at least someone who is on their way to becoming fitter! If I wasn't lazy I would be out walking rather than sitting on my big fat arse on the damn computer!
Anyway, am gonna sign off now as I think I have said enough - I am going to finish doing tea etc... oh probably won't be going to weigh in this week as I have the Dentist to go to and also other stuff to do and in all honesty unless there is some bloody drastic change in the next 24 hrs I would be avoiding it anyway as I am not going to go there to record a huge gain when the only person to blame is myself!!!
Am feeling rather "funny" today - am feeling blue, am feeling fat, am feeling skinny, am feeling tired, am feeling just strange over all...
Ok I am confused so I guess you guys are too - so I will try not to turn this into a pity post as that is certainly NOT what I want - I am using the journal as a place to express my feelings and concerns and that is all... not sure how to make entries in "blogger" private as yet otherwise I would consider doing that depending on what comes out of my fingers in the next wee while.
At the same time as feeling skinny and looking good today - I also felt short, fat and ugly (I often used to call myself that). I wore makeup today to work for the first time and no one commented at all so why did I go to that trouble this morning... All I wanted to do this evening was go for a walk (and yes I know its not too late yet) but I can't be arsed doing so but yet in my mind I am telling myself to go but physically I just don't want to and can not be bothered! Who knows maybe I will go later since daylight savings has started but odds are that I won't! Will probably end up here at the computer - maybe even eating god knows what!
Yes I did enjoy the gym yesterday but today is another day altogether - one that I don't want to be in at all! I do hate these days but I find they are happening more often lately - maybe it is something to do with work, maybe it is something to do with life in general, maybe it is something to do with my lifestyle... god only knows what it is cause I sure as hell don't!
Food today - not good as I am finding myself slowly slipping into old habits (i.e. chocolate each day) and as much as it really brasses me off I keep on flaming well doing it! Water - whats that today - only 750mls today if that! Exercise - well we covered that above.
I think I need to do a lot of self-talk re the "short, fat and ugly" tag that I have given myself for so many years as I really think that has something to do with how I am feeling as I find myself using that tag a lot more often recently after rarely using for a number of months! Yes I am short - not a lot anyone can do about that! Yes I am fat still - I may have lost almost 40 kilos but I am still considered fat and obese by all standards! Yes I am working on that issue but right now I ain't getting very far at all! And yes I do see myself as ugly at times but I think that is mostly weight related but sometimes it does go deeper than that... but I guess that is something that I have to work through overtime and by myself. And one more thing I see myself as is lazy!! Yes I know I go the gym etc but at times I still struggle as seeing myself as a fit person or at least someone who is on their way to becoming fitter! If I wasn't lazy I would be out walking rather than sitting on my big fat arse on the damn computer!
Anyway, am gonna sign off now as I think I have said enough - I am going to finish doing tea etc... oh probably won't be going to weigh in this week as I have the Dentist to go to and also other stuff to do and in all honesty unless there is some bloody drastic change in the next 24 hrs I would be avoiding it anyway as I am not going to go there to record a huge gain when the only person to blame is myself!!!
# posted by Karen @ 5:55 PM 
Comments:
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Ditto, ditto, DITTO!!!!
It was like reading my own mind reading your post!
Except swap the "short" for TALL and it is me to a tee!
Your mojo must be hiding out with mine somewhere!
We gotta find those little suckers chickee!
Just not sure how!!
Chin up,
Jo :)
It was like reading my own mind reading your post!
Except swap the "short" for TALL and it is me to a tee!
Your mojo must be hiding out with mine somewhere!
We gotta find those little suckers chickee!
Just not sure how!!
Chin up,
Jo :)
# posted by 
: October 04, 2005 8:58 PM
: October 04, 2005 8:58 PM
awwwww mate! I hate days like those, I had one last week and its a real downer. You need some retail therapy *wink* ... did I mention that I noticed Ballantynes have a whole area of clothes dedicated to those 5'2 and under? ... I saw it yesterday and thought of you instantly, LETS GO SHOPPING! :D
# posted by : October 04, 2005 9:13 PM
: October 04, 2005 9:13 PM
I agree with Helena... OMG the retail therapy the last 2 days for me was fantastic. GO DO IT HE HE HE.
I wish I was living near you as if I was close I would have been right over there giving you a hug!
You have been through so much and it is going to take time my friend and days like this will happen and for you to express that in here is another step closer to getting where you want to... better that you share it then hold it in.
I am always listening my friend
Love Chubbymum
I wish I was living near you as if I was close I would have been right over there giving you a hug!
You have been through so much and it is going to take time my friend and days like this will happen and for you to express that in here is another step closer to getting where you want to... better that you share it then hold it in.
I am always listening my friend
Love Chubbymum
We all have those sort of days Karen. You have come so far. You have lost over 30kg and you are definitely looking great. You have just hit a rut in your personal life and that is adding to your plateau/current struggle. Keep your chin up bud and you will be back to the old feisty weight loss guru that we miss!!!
Hope you start feeling your perky ole self again soon!
I have changed your link on my site, and enjoyed reading your 'history' again - well done on the achievements to date!!
I have changed your link on my site, and enjoyed reading your 'history' again - well done on the achievements to date!!
I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this hon. You are gorgeous, beautiful, short yes (lol), intelligent, generous, caring.. to name just a few. I hope you stop feeling so down on yourself and start realising just how amazing you are and all of the great things you have achieved. Big hugs!!
I'm sure we all have days like this - hard to shake off those old feelings.
Hey I've met you - I agree you are short(ish) but no way are you fat and ugly! Maybe just a little chubby but sweet looking!! Cheer up Karen - I reckon you are one wonderful person:)
Hey I've met you - I agree you are short(ish) but no way are you fat and ugly! Maybe just a little chubby but sweet looking!! Cheer up Karen - I reckon you are one wonderful person:)
# posted by : October 05, 2005 11:38 AM
: October 05, 2005 11:38 AM
Well all have days like this. I am having a month of it and just can't get back in the proper swing, but am trying to.
Just know that we are all here for you and we love ya heaps.
You have done so well so far and will continue to do so.
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Just know that we are all here for you and we love ya heaps.
You have done so well so far and will continue to do so.
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