Monday, April 03, 2006

 
Okay I am here and I am posting but still not 100% sure of what I want to be doing as yet... What I may end up doing is just posting when I feel like it so perhaps only a couple of times a week - I am just struggling to update some days and seem to have so little energy.
It is quite hard to describe how I am feeling right now - I feel that I am talking a load of crap most nights and that no one is interested in what I am saying... the weight loss side of things has totally disappeared from my journal and I feel now that I am no longer as interesting to read as there is no motivation or inspiration coming from my blog.
If I was to talk soley about the pregnancy I would have you all running a mile in the opposite direction... and yet thats all I am thinking about. I am shit scared to tell you all the truth - scared that we will lose this precious baby as well, scared that if we don't lose it - of how I will handle the pain of birth, scared of how I cope as a Mum and Steph as a Dad, scared of how we are going to cope with a mortgage and a baby, scared of losing the house (and we haven't even signed the papers yet)... so yeah lots of thoughts going through my mind right now.
My food is not the best and I want to keep any gain to a minimum but yet all I want to do is eat, eat, eat... and not necessarily the right/good stuff either. Though am definitly eating more fruit than ever before so surely thats gotta be a good thing... and top that fruit of with the berry/banana smoothies I have at least once a week - thats lots of fruit for me! Though am managing to keep a fairly decent intake of water up each day so am ok with that I guess. I was so looking forward to being able to walk each day but walk - whats that? Maybe once a week if I am lucky - and thats only if I have the energy! Most days when I come home, I crash on the bed for about 30mins or so before contemplating organising dinner or helping Steph do the dinner.
The other thing I want to say but not sure how to say it... so I guess I may as well just come out and say it - and that is I know there are lots of people "reading" each day - thats why I put the counter on my site to give me an idea of numbers but when I look at that counter each night and compare it to the number of comments - it does make me wonder how many people do really "care" so to speak. And before you all jump down my throat and say "we care" I know you do - its just that sometimes it really does feel like very few do. This is probably me just being a grumpy horomonal bitch but thats how I am feeling and I was adament that when I updated tonight that I would speak the truth.
Work today was diablocial - the temp is driving both L and I up the wall - perhaps we are too fussy for who we want in our team - we don't know but what we do know is that we don't want "F" there permamently! She drives us batty for various reasons and is so slow work wise!
Oh then there is the house and the move - only 2 weeks, 4 days till we move and there is still so much to do. Well on saying that we have the lounge more or less cleared now and the computer room has been started as well. And I have 12 shopping bags of clothes to donate to the Salvation Army shop at the weekend and thats just from the clothes that were in the spare room - haven't even started on my wardrobe yet! LOL
Anyway, thats me for tonight - I know its a bit jumbled tonight - have basically said whats come to mind each time rather than thinking it all through so I do hope it all makes sense...
So please, if you normally are a "lurker" - do leave me a comment from time to time just so I know you are still reading - make a pregnant woman happy! LOL

Ciao

PS A huge thanks to ChubbyMum for being there for me over the weekend - means so much to me hun! You are a wonderful woman and I so wish we lived closer together! YOU ROCK!!! Thanks again xxx

Comments:
Oohh hun, you sound mega stressed and hormonal. It's normal ok? I LOVE reading your blog, and this post has been a really good one - to actually start to understand how you are feeling, it's really helpful and without sounding strange, it IS interesting!
In my humble opinion, you should just keep your blog going and talk about what you need to talk about. You may find you feel better for telling us all about how you are feeling. We all know this pregnancy isn't an easy road for you - even assuming everything goes well. But that's what we are all here for, to help you through every little thing.

And it is scary wondering how you will cope with everything, and the answer is - you just do - a minute at a time when it gets that bad - and that goes for everything, the stress of the move, the bad pregnancy moments, the birth, after the baby is born and life is getting crazy. Just a minute at a time, then another minute.

I hope you are starting to feel a bit better soon, I'm sure moving and getting settled will help. I guess in some ways you'll feel that you can't really relax until you have a little bub actually in your arms.

But I hope you know that even though people might not comment every day, or ever, it doesn't mean that they don't care. Promise!! :-)
 
Hi Karen, Lurker here....have been reading your journal since it was posted on Lynda's site from your first message...I don't necessarily read daily cause this is a diet blog but more so since you are always up to something. I would like to now hear of your belly growing. And girl, as for the worry, believe me as a mother of two (5 & 7) the worry will never leave now it's there for life, you worry when your pregnant, and then their babies, and then their toddlers, and then off to school and well thats as far as I have gotten so far but I know college is just around the corner and then the big wide world and I'm worry about them already.
Give this pregnancy another month and you'll be on top of the world.
Hugs
 
Hey love the entry tonight... and just because it is not weight loss doesn't make it any less interesting. I love reading about you, Kates and Kim's pregnancy (sp).

Take care Jaxx
 
Hey Chick! You know what I reckon - do what you have to do. I care! And ya know what - things will fall into place and you will manage! Believe me - it will all work out........
 
Hi Karen, like a lot of lurkers, I read your blog cos it is varied and interesting, you may remember I emailed you when you lost your baby, as i was in the same situation, I ended up with gestational diabeties, but had two very healthy pregnancies. I think every new mum has the concerns youve raised, its only natural, I think from reading your journals that youll be an awesome mum.Believe me when I say the worry never ends, I have two beautiful sons, one in college the other just at university, my mum just passed away at 82 and she still worried about her kids right to the end, thats the thing about motherhood!!!!Good luck for the move, keep well and enjoy life, youll be alright.

Best of luck

Margaret

PS Im from Canterbury, (my hubby is from wellington), so if you do need to worry over something, worry about the Hurricanes.....LOL Cheers
 
Hi Karen,

Just wanted to say that I have been reading your journal on and off for the past year and find you to be a very honest and caring person. I started reading it for the weightloss aspect, but now more for wanting to know your dream of becoming a mum is fulfilled. I am currently pregnant also, and although this is my second, I still have the same nerves as you are experiencing, it is absolutely normal and expected. Relax, enjoy and from what it sounds like, you will be a fantastic mum.

Anyway I do hope you continue to update your journal, but if you decide to take a break, I hope you update every now and then to let us know all is going o.k. All the best.
 
Hi Karen

Can understand how you are feeling. There are huge changes going on in your body and the first trimeseter seems to be when it hits the most. I read all your entries - and even though they aren't weight focused still find it all interesting.

Feeling for you with the worries you have about this baby. But it does sound as if you are in really good hands.

Moving - well the week we were due to move into our new home - I had twins! My eldest daughter 17 months ended up in hopital with a gastro bug. I had one baby in neo natal, one at home and the 17th month in ine infectious ward!! We coped - it just seemed to happen. You will also cope with the finances side as well.

And you will make fantastic parents!!

Just wish I could reassure you about so many of your concerns. Ask for help - lots of it for the move! Does douns like you have made a really good start.

The lurkers - I also get a few hits but not many comments. Would be great if those who read do leave more comments from time to time - but maybe people just don't like leaving them?

Take care - thinking of you!!
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
I know I've only met you briefly, but you guys are going to be GREAT parents. It is scary, but the happiness it brings is ENORMOUS. This baby (and all the other ones you'll have) is going to grow up surrounded by love and support.

Previous comment deleted by me 'cause I made an awful spelling mistake!
 
Hi Karen,

Another lurker here, I have also been reading your journal since the beginning, I have never left a comment as I didn't believe I had anything interesting/inspiring to say as you always seemed to have heaps of other inspiration.

Please don't worry about your blog not being solely about weightloss, with a blog like yours it is all about YOU. I know that I check in every day now just to see what has been happening in your life (very voyeuristic I know). What I am trying to say and probably not very well is that YOU are the reason I read every day not the weight you were trying to lose.

Please feel extremely proud of yourself you have achieved and gone through so much in the last year.

I will understand if you decide not to keep blogging but I will miss your entries.
 
Karen,

I read your diary EVERY Day, it is the first thing I do when I come to work each morning, you are awesome and yes I am interested in what you have to say, you might think that you are rambling on, but it is all relevant to your journey. I can understand you are feeling stressed right now, but you know what, you can only control what you can control, you dont know what the future holds you can only do what you are able to do each day, so as long as you are considerate to your body and your health needs then heres hoping all goes well. Keep smiling Karen, you do make a difference and we all do care.
 
As Kate and some of the others said "you just do it" when it comes to coping with everything when the time comes:)

"A woman is like a teabag - stronger when in hot water"
 
Oh hun...

You know I will be there for you whenever you need it THAT IS FOR SURE!!!

I agree with all the other comments. We come here and read because you are an interesting person and we have grown to love you and love reading how your day has gone whether it is good or bad. I must admit I lurk sometimes and don't reply and I should that is for sure.

It isn't for the weight loss that I read now... it is to find out how my FRIEND is doing and how her day went.

Now parenting OMG I so understand your fears... I never NEVER NEVER wanted kids and told my hubby before we got married that I wasn't having any and then the dreaded hormones took over and you know what... you WILL cope. You are patient and you want a child so much that you are going to be fantastic.

If you ever have a problem and don't know how to solve then you know I am just a phone call away or an email and we can sort out the problem.

My first piece of advice is to get LOTS and Lots of rest because the first six weeks (in my opinion) are the hardest because of the sleep deprevision.

It is instinct and you will know what to do and you will love it. I am sure that your hubby will be great as well.

Just take one day at a time and you will make it hun. Don't stress that is so the main thing at the moment... to get through this pregnancy.

Love ya heaps
You know my email so keep them coming he he he he.

Love CM
 
Ok...Lurker here coming out and commenting again.
Heaps of your hits are ME checking to see if you've updated every evening! LOL.
I hadn't commented much before because I wasn't sure I had a place to....I don't have a blog myself and most of your comments seemed to be from people who've been blogging and sharing in your journey for ages! I'm just a new girl on the block (well, 6 months reading!) and I guess I was a bit shy - especially not having a blog I can share with you in return.
I have babies (born at Hutt Hospital 2002 and 2005). It IS very overwhelming at times during a pregnancy...and just wait until you're at home and figuring out which end is which with a very new baby. It's stressful, tiring, and a HUGE amount of fun. It's also much easier with the support of other women :o)
Completely normal...everything about the way you're feeling!
Be VERY kind to yourself Karen. Delegate everything you can to do with moving....ask for more back rubs from Steph.....take sick days if you need to just rest for a day....blog less if that's what you'd feel better doing....don't fret too much about what you're eating (these early days are really whacko hormone wise).DO keep the water intake up though (hehe) and if you want to blog about nothing but pregnancy worries then do it! Your readers will love to help reassure you about anything and everything I'm sure! You, Karen, are going to be an awesome Mum!
 
Hi Chick,

So looking forward to when you'll be just down the road!

I've seen you with children and I know you will be an awesome mum .... just being yourself!

Sorry if I don't pop in to say hello often enough .... but I am definitely thinking of you!

You have a lot on your plate right now, just take one thing at a time. #1 on that list should be Looking After Karen .... OK!

~BIG HUGS~

and some

~SMOOCHIE KISSES~

xxx
 
Hello Karen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long time lurker here sincerely appologising for lack of comments! Please know that i do care!!! My lack of comments are probably due to laziness when things are going well, & when things have been really, really bad, i feel inadequate to even comment, but perhaps that in a way is lazy too. You put yourself out in public, the least we can do as readers is to say g'day every now & then. Karen, I am truely sorry.

Please don't stop blogging altogether! If you want to talk about your pregnancy instead of weight loss go for it, i will still check in on you every day! It may sound strange but I don't read your blog any more in relation to weight loss, I read it to see how YOU & YOUR life is going. I was so excited when i checked your blog while i was on holidays to find you had fallen pregnant again & have had everything crossed since. Haven't commented, again because i didn't really think it was my place to, & (stupidly superstitiously)don't want to jinx anything. But the point is, i am intersted in what ever you blog about. Even cleaning Charlies cage!

Hope the stress eases up & that you feel much better soon. Take Care, Cat
 
Hi there.....another lurker coming out of the woodwork. I have only been reading your journal for the past 2 months or so and I have found your journal very interesting and inspiring. I am truely excited for you with regards to your pregnancy and am looking forward to reading my way through your journey. I had a baby girl of my own last July and can really relate to how you are feeling right now!!! You just do what you want to do, it's all about YOU right now and if you are tired, lie down..if you are grumpy, be grumpy, it's ok! And at the end, you will have your precious baby and you will be the most fantastic mother because you are already a fantastic person!
I will comment again soon I promise.
 
Hehe Karen, look at all these comments!!! :-) WOW!!
 
Oh Karen - must be your hormones... Of course we don't care if you talk and talk about pregnancy!! We want you to be happy and we all know how scared you are of what could happen.

Please use this blog to tell us your worries and fears, just as we will use this blog to cheer you on or help you back up when times are bad.

:)
 
I am one of those lurkers too. I dont really know why I do not comment. It must be my state of mind lately, with all this stress and long 12 hr working days of the last 4 months.

What I know though is that your blog is the last on my bloglist. And I always begin reading the other blogs and keep thinking, Ill read Karen at the end and this will give me the sense of normality I need to start my day (I read blogs in the morning, before shower and getting ready for work)

Its stupid I know. I should say hi.I apologise. But I want to tell you that your blog is one of the most honest and "real"ones. Through your posts I see a real woman, with a real life, a zest for life, and a warmness hard to beat.

And I hate it when you do not post daily...lol

Hugs and kisses and apologies too!

Argy
 
Hi Karen I also read your blog every day & have for ages now, I do sometimes comment & I did email you when you lost your wee angels. The concerns you have about everything are so common, but you know what, you will be a great parent, the money thing will sort itself out, you just adjust, everything works out. You have a fantastic, supportive, hardworking husband, close family & friends not to mention blogworld who all care. We do not care if you do not focus your blog on your weight loss, you have other things on your mind. I would hate it if you stopped altogether but do not feel pressured to update everyday. Just when you can.
 
What more can I say ... I am a lurker and everything I want to say has been said above. I love reading your blog (almost every day!) so please don't leave us all together! xxx Sally
 
Surely all of these comments are enough evidence that you are very much loved among us bloggers... don't you dare stop posting!! I check you blog each and every day (well, when I am home at least...) and I don't always leave a comment... often because I am eating my lunch while reading and it is hard to eat and type at the same time (of course always low fat heathly foods.)
So.. DON"T STOP NOW... if your blog turns into a baby blog.. who cares?? I love babies and we have been here from that start.. we want to see those gross birth shots.. first steps... first day of school... you aren't just doing this for us.. you are blogging for yourself as well...

Pick a month and click back and read about your life back then... this is a journal of your life.. we are just lucky to be able to read about you.. and we do care about you...

Take care with packing and DON'T lift any boxes!!!
 
i havent read the comments cos it will take me forever, and i probably have to go puke again in a sec, lol you know what i mean :) i must admit i leave comments very rarely on anyones blog at the moment, my words are so coming out "foot in mouth" therefor i find it better to say nothing, but you know im always here :) and of course going through this pregnancy with you is such an amazing thing! all your thoughts and emotions are normal, its what everyone goes through, and im scared too mate, every day im worried i will lose this baby, its really hard, but we have to keep positive and try really hard to remain as stress free as possible (i hear you say HA!) you will be fine :) that constant nausia you have, the tiredness, its your hormones doing everything right. i cant wait to (hopefully!) share my babies birthday with yours :)
xxxxx
 
oh i should say what i meant when i said (hopefully) share my babies birthday with yours, lol knowing my luck i will be 2 weeks late! and you my dear of course, will be on time!!! :)
 
Hi

You're entitled to a bit of worry with all the changes going on in your life. Good luck with the house. And the baby. I'm sure you'll cope with everything because you seem really switched on and organised.

In terms of your blog: If you don't want to update everyday, you shouldn't feel you have to. I update mine when I feel I have something to say or the time to do it. I don't read my list of blogs everyday either - again depends on time and other stuff. Hence I am today catching up with 4 of your entries.

I do appreciate my little window into your life.

Take care - hope you're feeling a bit more secure.
 
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