Karens Weight Loss Journal

Hi all

Well another Monday over and only 9 days to go until I finish my job! YIPPEEE!! Yes I am sad that I will be leaving there as overall they have been a fantastic company to work for and bar the last incident when I had my recent Miscarriage everything has been great and I have made some great friends there too - thank god for emails and txts for keeping in touch!

So anyway, work today has been ok - pretty slow in a roundabout way as I am no longer doing the majority of the work running the payroll since we have got the new system and there wasn't much point in training me in a lot of that stuff when I not going to be around for long.

Food today - brilliant if I must say so myself! :) Water - just over 2.5 litres so am pleased with that too! Exercise - a great session at the gym. Am really pleased that I did go in the end as I was contemplating not going just cause I couldn't be bothered but I DID go and I loved it once I got going!

Oh back to yesterday - we had a great time at Mum's - took Jude with us and we had a lovely salmon pie that Mum is "famous" for for lunch with a nice salad. The four of us all sat outside the whole time (as it was warm but very cloudy) and when we got home I noticed that both Steph and I were sunburnt yet neither Mum nor Jude are so very interesting indeed! But it does go to remind us that even though there is cloud cover that you can still get sunburnt especially when one sunburns as easy as I do! Anyway, got home and had a txt from Sheri seeing if I was still up for a walk and as I hadn't done one in the morning I thought I had better do one so quickly got changed, drove up to her place and off we went. We did the block that Sheri does when she does get the chance to go walking and that is about 4.5kms (from memory on what Sheri said) and it was great - change of scenery, having someone to talk too... felt brilliant for doing it!

Jude had an appt with the surgeon today and was initally told that the op would be done within 3 weeks but within an hour of leaving the hospital she got a phonecall to say that the op would now be next week! So she goes in to hospital for the day on Thursday for some tests etc... then she has to be there by 7.30am next Wednesday for a day of more tests.... and has the op next Thursday. She will be in hospital for between 7-10 days and then off work for at least 6 weeks so it will be at least the New Year before we see her back at work! I was really looking forward to working with her again next mth but that part of going back to DOC will just have to wait until January I guess :)

Right it is almost 9pm now and I am shattered as this is the longest I have sat down since being home from the gym... washing, dishes, tidying up etc the list is never ending! God knows I will cope when we have kids too! LOL

On that note - I am heading to bed to read for a wee while and then hopefully get a good nights sleep!

Catch ya all later

Hi all

I thought I would sneak online and do an update before heading up to Mum's for lunch.

Back to Friday.... it was pretty full on at work but unfortunately we didn't get everything checked before "hometime" so Denise has taken the rest of it home with her to finish off over the weekend though it should only be about 3hrs worth there which is a damn site better than what she has been working over weekends lately.

Steph's rifle club wind up do was a great night out. I felt I did really well considering it was smorgasboard - I came home feeling just right - not over full but not hungry either! Had mainly water to drink as well so on top of the 2 litres I had drunk at work I was up a few times to visit the toilet! LOL

Yesterday - had a wee sleep in (till 8am) and then decided that I would go to the gym (had been contemplating not going) so headed up there and had yet another great session up there. I really am enjoying my new programme and work up a good sweat whilst doing it! :) Home, showered, breakfast and then the guy who is working on the ceiling turned up to do the sealer coat so Steph and I decided to go do the groceries whilst he was there... so did those, home, lunch (hmmm fresh bread with cold meat and salad YUM), housework, and then as Steph was going out to do some thing with his brother and Dad, I decided to pop up and visit Jude. She was tired but good - we even did a wee walk as she was getting restless just sitting at home so we did a walk of about 300mtrs before she wanted to head back home but that is ok with me as that is what we are encouraging her to do... just short walks and then slowly but surely increase the distance. Made sure she was ok after the walk and then came home for a quiet Saturday night with Steph. Dinner was delicious - chicken breasts that had been marinated in a sundried tomato sauce (we got those from Woolies) served on rice with a nice salad! Oh we then watched Friday nights episode of Shortland St - I knew it was Norman that was going to die but everyone was saying no, no not him! It was a sad episode and I did shed a few tears...

Was in bed relatively early (about 9.15pm) but had a semi restless night but as it was drizzling etc this morning I decided to have a "decent" sleep in (till 9am) and to spend some quality time with Steph! :) So all going well I will go for a walk this evening but will all depend on the weather I guess. I have had breakfast, showered and now doing this.... so best I get my "A into G" and finish getting ready.

Hope you are all having a good weekend - catch ya all later.

PS Some of you have asked for info about Reiki healing etc... so I will try to do an update with details later this evening or at some stage during the week.

Hi ya

Boy another full on day at work but on saying that I did acheive a lot so tomorrow won't be so rushed and all going well it will mean Denise won't have to work all weekend like she has been doing since we went live with the new payroll system!

I had weigh in today - and I almost had the 1 kilo loss that showed on the scales at home.... offical loss this week is 800gms taking my total loss to 37.6 kilos! Still a wee way away from my two mini goals (to be an 80's chick and to have reached my 40 kilo mark) so can't see me achieving that by next week but both Robyn (from the gym) and Barbara are just encouraging me to have reached them (and maybe a kilo or so more) by Christmas time! Now THAT IS ACHIEVABLE!!!! I got within 400gms of becoming an 80's chick the week before I found out that I was pregnant back in June so lets see if I can do it this time before I get pregnant again!

I rushed from weigh in to my 3rd Reiki session with Christene - she is brilliant and I always feel so "different" after the sessions. She had a strong vision this week of Steph and I at a wedding (even describing what we were wearing) and we were holding a baby to which I said "but was it our's" and yes it is... the baby (unsure of sex as it was in white) was about 4mths old so all exciting but I am not going to read too much into it at this stage. She also said that all my "systems" (i.e. thyroid glands etc) are coming right and I have a lot more energy that I did 3 weeks ago and yes that is true when I think of what a great week exercise wise I have had!

Home to a lovely cooked steak, new potatoes and a green salad. We have strawberries for dessert and what a shame no ice cream! LOL Well actually I don't mind too much as I love them either by themselves or just a sprinkle of icing sugar but Steph really wants some ice cream but tough!

Jude is still taking things slowly but had today off work as she did a full day yesterday and really over did things so spend today just sleeping and resting. She will do 1/2 day's from now on until the op and then after the op she will build up to full time hours again. She sees the specialist on Monday and I think she gets the date for the op then too but will wait and see.

We have got Stephan's rifle club "end of season" wind up do tomorrow night - smorgasboard at Petone Working Men's club. We went there last year and had a great time so hopefully tomorrow night will be just as good. Then on Sunday, we are going to Mum's for lunch - it was supposed to be a big family lunch as my brother, sister in law and nephew were coming over from Sydney for a week (the ones that lost the wee boy at 20 weeks) but unfortuatley Chris has had his leave cancelled due to work commitments so that is a shame but Steph and I said we will still come up (and my sister etc had lunch with Mum last Sunday) so that will be nice. So between all that , I will aim for the gym, do the housework and the grocery shopping and check up on Jude too!

Oh I arrived home today to all my gardens looking lovely as the guy we have got in doing the sanding/painting of the ceiling is a general handyman and when he said we could pass his name on to anyone who needs gardening/painting etc done I said he could do our gardens so has done them today and they look fantastic! Need some more bark for the ground cover though so will get that done next weekend.

Oh one more thing - I was cheeky and emailed my "new/old" boss today and asked if I could start my new job a week later than I had initally intended to as I really felt like I needed a break from work and just to chill out... I thought he might have actually said no but to my surprise he replied that he understands my need to have a break and yes it could be sometime before I do get a decent break once I start there so I am so looking forward to that week off! Am planning on doing some christmas shopping during that week so we are not rushing around each weekend doing it!

But right thats enough from me tonight - hope I haven't bored you silly.... and will catch ya all on Saturday at some stage or perhaps on Sunday evening after we are home from Mum's - will just depend on the free time I get.

Have a great Friday and an awesome weekend everyone!

Hi all

Just a very quick note from work to say that yesterday was another great day for me :) I didn't get a chance to update as I got home from the gym, showered, tea whilst watching Shorties, then rung a girlfriend in Chch who I have spoken to for ages and was on the phone to her for about 90mins! Then it was time to do a quick call to Jude to check on her... by this stage it is almost 9.30pm so I just collapsed into bed and went to sleep!

Work was busy as usual but the day did fly by... Foodwise - another good day there except one sante bar found its way into my mouth - oooops! :) Water - almost 3 litres today so am really wrapped with that one! Exercise - a great session at the gym (yes two days in a row since it was closed on Monday). Weighed myself at the gym and my bodyfat has dropped to 45% which I am pleased with - slowly but surely! :)

But right back to work now - will be back later on tonight at some stage with weigh in results but fingers crossed it will be a good one as the scales at home are showing a kilo lighter than last week.... so lets see if I can make it an offical kilo loss! :)

Catch ya all later

Hi all

Yay for short weeks.... kept thinking it was Monday today but it was nice to know that it is in fact Tuesday so only 3 more days till the weekend! LOL But to get to that weekend involves a lot of work prior to then so its gonna be a busy three weeks.

In the "old" days at work, the Admin girls in the regions would go in to the office on the Stat Day (i.e. Labour Day) and start working on the timesheets to ensure I still got them in time and then they would take a day off later in the week... but no that doesn't seem to happen any more which means a lot more work for little ole me (and Denise) but we will get there. So yeap overall today at work it has been a good day - they have appointed someone to my role and I briefly met her this afternoon - she is hoping to be able to give 2 weeks notice on the contract she is currently working at and to be able to start with me in my final week and to spend 3 days with me. Not 100% keen on training her as I really only know the basics of the new system but as Denise said - training the newbie on the basics is better than nothing at all.

Foodwise today - really good. Resisted temptation to go out for dinner as it is our 2nd Wedding anniversary today (well done Kate on remembering that - I am impressed). I decided that I would rather have the yummy pork steaks we had here at home with new potatoes and veggies. So dinner has been put on hold for a couple of weeks now as we are already going out for tea on Friday night with Steph's shooting club for their session wind up do and then we are going to Mums for lunch on Sunday so decided that was enough eating out for one weekend so have postponed our dinner until the following weekend. Water today - about 2.5 litres so am impressed with that effort :) Exercise - a great session at the gym. I normally don't go on a Tuesday but as it was closed yesterday I decided to make the effort and go tonight and then will aim to get there again tomorrow night.

Am getting frustrated with the scales at the moment as they don't seem to be moving much at all and I really want to see smaller numbers!!! Though on the inside I am feeling better and I know I am looking better so I guess that is the main thing and numbers are only numbers but to see smaller numbers does make life so much better (or in my eyes anyway)!

Jude is doing well - she started back at work today and managed to hang in there until 3pm and went home and had a nana nap until I rung and woke her at 4.30pm as she was getting her new dryer delivered after 4.30pm so had said I would ring and wake her... she also doesn't want to sleep too long in the late afternoon otherwise she won't sleep properly at night.

Hmmmm speaking of sleeping - I am having great difficulties in sleeping during the week at the moment... the weekends I am fine but during the week I seem to have this "fear" of missing the alarm and sleeping in (which I have done very, very rarely in the past) so I tend to wake about 4.30/5.00am and wait till 6am to get up.... hmmmm on saying this out loud to you all has made me think that perhaps I should be using that time to go for a walk.... hmmmm might try that one out but no promises.

Right, I want to go see the end of "Downsize Me" - so will catch ya all later.

Hi all

Boy I sure do love long weekends... could quite easily have a 3 day weekend every week :) Ok mine was a 4 dayer this time but 3 days off is nice as well!

Thanks for your comments on last nights post... I guess when I re-read my post it sure did sound like I had done quite a bit over a couple of days but if I am honest with myself I do have trouble just sitting there and doing nothing (whereas a few years back thats all I ever did!) and when you are only renting its not like you can decide to paint a wall or do anything too drastic! Guess I could always get into the garden but I am not a gardener so I ususally get someone in every few mths to do a tidy up for me! I know I am naughty but its just not my scene right now - maybe in a few years but then again maybe not. So anyback back to the fact that I have trouble sitting down and doing nothing so I do like to get out and about and visit friends/family, do shopping trips or even just go for a drive. Some Sunday's I am knackered I will admit :)

But anyway, on to today.... I tried to sleep in I really did.... but in the end I got up about 8.30am which I guess is better than the last 3 days! LOL Didn't walk this morning, just blopped around for an hour or so and then we had a call from the plasterer to say he was stuck in Masterton so both him and the painter are coming around tomorrow now. But as I said to Steph, I am not too worried really cause after all it is a long weekend and they deserve a break as well. So after we knew they weren't coming around - we took off to Queensgate so Steph could check out the latest shops that had opened there - wandered around there for a couple of hours and then rather than buying something for lunch we came home and had cheese/tomato toasties which were nice. I then popped up to Judes as I said we would take her for a drive today (but Steph ended up staying home as he had a couple of things he wanted to do) but the weather was real crappy at that stage so after getting into the car, we decided to go visit her brother who lives up in Riverstone Terraces but before stopping at his place we drove all around the new sub-division - boy there sure are some pretty flash houses up there!!! We then stopped in at Danny's place and had a cuppa and a good chat to him and his wife. We then headed back towards Jude's place via the supermarket so Jude could get something to eat. Once back at her place, I put away the dishes she had done earlier and then folded the washing she had done yesterday and put all that away for her and then headed back home to Steph.

Got home but was restless, so did a quick change of clothes and hit the pavements and did my 5km route in 43mins! Boy it sure was warm then (about 5.15pm) as the sun had decided to come out and it sure had some heat in it too! Home, showered, cooked dinner (crumbed schnitzel, new potatoes and veggies). Watched Shortland St - any one got any ideas on who dies in the car accident this week???

Now here doing my update but the dishes still need doing (the ones that don't go in the dishwasher) so best I get moving to do them.

Have a great week everyone and catch ya all tomorrow probably.

Hi ya

Ahhhhh isn't it great being able to type this on a Sunday evening knowing that we still have another sleep in to come tomorrow! Yay for Labour Day :)

Had a great evening on Friday night at Jo's "coming out" party - talk about yakking and laughing but boy it was a great night. And yes I did find yet more Tupperware that I wanted - god knows where I am going to put it but I just had to have it! LOL Gees I had better be careful or I might become known as a "tupperslut" - just can't get enough of the stuff! LOL Think I finally crashed into bed about 11pm and was out to it!

Woke bright and early... and I did end up going to the gym; then I popped up to Jude's, showered, breakfast and then headed back to town for an eyebrow shape and a haircut... then down to Lower Hutt to get a WOF (Warrant of Fitness) for my car and then home to hung out the washing that Steph had put on earlier, lunch, cleaned the bathroom etc, grocery shopping, home for a wee while, then up to Judes to visit her and to catch up with a friend of hers that was also visiting that I hadn't seen for a while. After M had left, I organised some dinner for Jude and whilst I was still there she had another couple of lots of visitors popping in to see how she was doing. I must admit we were having fun doing crosswords in a book that she had been given and then before we knew it - it was 9pm so I said goodnight and came home. Boy the evening flew by! Oh the guy that was supposed to have come to do the hallway ceiling didn't make it due to his high blood pressure... so that was a bugger but health does come first. He did ring and apologise and said that he would try to come around today (Sunday)...

So roll on Sunday... woke early again (gees I hate not being able to sleep in when I have the opportunity) so threw my walking clothes and hit the pavements about 7.20am! Decided to challenge myself a bit more today and rather than just doing the 5km's I normally do, I kept walking for just over an hour and did an esitmated 6.3kms so was pleased with that :) Home and a VERY QUICK shower etc before Neil turned up to do the ceiling. Basically, whilst he was doing that we were confined to the kitchen and deck so I took the opportunity and did 4 loads of washing including the shower curtain which I had taken down earlier and then scubbed and hosed down. Neil finished about lunch time but is coming back again tomorrow with his mate the plasterer as the ceiling in our hallway has been done on the cheap and needs quite a bit of work on it before Neil can seal it and paint it... but at least they won't be here until about 11am tomorrow which gives a chance to sleep in - and boy I think I am really going to try to sleep in too if I can! LOL Anyway, after lunch etc... I popped up to Judes and sat with her for a wee while watching a movie on Sky and then I drove to the Warehouse where she wanted to get some bits and pieces and after that we had a wee ice cream - ok I had the ice cream she had the fru-ju! LOL

After that, we went around to her friends place who has recently had a wee baby who was 4 weeks old yesterday. Boy he is so damn cute and I got lots of cuddles from wee Kale. Also got very clucky... and a wee bit emotional too thinking that I too should have a new born and how unfair life is but I will get there.

Home, brought in all the washing, folded it, put it away, prepared a salad for tea, then my sister,her partner and his girls turned up for a wee visit and then once they had gone, we finished preparing tea, have had that, tidied up and now just winding down...

Tomorrow - not a lot planned really. Will just play it by ear and see what happens. Have told Jude that if she is up to it - her, Steph and I can go for a drive perhaps out to Eastbourne or something like that but will see how she is doing. We also want to catch up with our friends Lynaire and Kev as we haven't seen them for a wee while so will have to try to organise that too :)

But now its time for me to do some more reading and just blob out.... hope you are all having a great weekend and will catch ya later.

Hi everyone

Sorry for such a short post last night but I did want to do a quick update before I visited Jude.

As my title today says - I have two lots of good news today:
1) Jude has been told that the bowel cancer is operable and they will do that within the next 4-6 weeks. She may end up with a bag for about 3mths afterwards - all depends on how low the cancer has gone but they won't know that until they operate. So for the time being they are concentrating on the bowel and will let her recover from that before starting work on the liver. They say that there is still a small chance that they may be able to operate on the liver too - if not Chemo etc should definitely help her there! She is feeling a lot better within her own self and mind today and was full of smiles etc when I popped up to see her and her parents this afternoon. She has lost a bit of weight - can see it in her face and her trousers.... Jude has also been given a list of foods etc that she can and can not eat until the operation - basically she is not allowed anything that may cause blockages in the bowel so no fibre, no seeds, no fruit (but is allowed fruit juice), only allowed white bread, only boiled or baked potatoes, cauli and pumpkin are the only two veggies she is allowed to eat.... she is ok with everything there except the no chocolate and the no fruit but she will get there. But to see her so cheerful etc this afternoon made me feel a lot better too and her parents are more cheerful which is great.

2) I had my scan this morning due to the excessive spotting and TOM that I have had since the miscarriage and all has come back clear on that scene! The sonographer that I had was the best I have had - friendly, chatty, helpful and down to earth! I think I will cancel my Dr's appt for next week as Sandra (the sonographer) told me all was clear, and a report goes to my GP so if there is anything that Sandra didn't pick up then my Dr will call me... But I definitely left there with a spring in my step :) Had an hour to spare between there and going for my second Reiki session so had a quick look around the new shops at Queensgate and then grabbed a kebab and sat in the car (as it was raining) on the river bank eating it. Then off to Christene's place for the Reiki - had a great session there too. My Iodine level has increased but I need to keep putting it on my feet until my body stops asborbing it. One very interesting thing she did pick up was the fact that she is adamant that I am ovulating right now so look out Steph when he gets home!!!! LOL I know too much info but I just had to share that with you all cause you are all such great mates! :):):)

So yeah after those two bits of news, I am feeling pretty good about everything (except for the chippies I ate this afternoon but never mind). Am off to Jo's "coming out" tupperware party tonight so that will be lots of fun! Gotta pick up Helena on the way so mustn't forget to do that! :)

Tomorrow, we have to be up and showered early as we finally have someone coming around to fix our ceiling in the hallway! Basically not long after we moved in (2 1/2 yrs ago) the ceiling started peeling and has just gradually got worse and worse! Have spoken to the landlord numerous times about it but nothing had been done until this week when we got a call from the tradesman who is doing the job! He took one look at it and said it hadn't been sealed or undercoated so at 9am him and his helper are coming around, sanding the whole hallway, then sealing it... and then coming back another time to repaint it all! So needless to say that one needs to be up, showered and dressed before they arrive! So have decided not to do the gym tomorrow as I really don't like showering up there (a bit fussy on that sort of thing at times) so would rather give it a miss and try like hard to get a walk in... so not sure what we will do when they get here as the only room we will really have access to is the kitchen through the back door - every other room is off the hallway and all doors etc will be shut! I have a hairdressers appt at 10.15am tomorrow - so am looking forward to that. But apart from that and maybe catching up with Sharlene who I haven't seen for a long time.... we don't have a lot planned for this long weekend! Will obviously spend a bit of time at Judes doing washing etc for her and she does want to visit a friend on Sunday who has had a baby so I have offered to take her there as I am eager to catch up with Sue and meet her wee baby!

Hope you all have a good long weekend... I am sure I will be back at some stage to do another update.

Hi all

This is a very quick one for now as I am off to visit Jude... but I did make it to weigh in not really knowing what to expect as I had stayed the same at home so it could go in any direction by the time I get to Barbaras... and it went up by 200 grams! Yeap I know it is not much but I was still frustrated as I have had 3 great sessions at the gym and a great walk on Tuesday evening... And my eating has been bloody marvellous if one considers the emotions I am going through right now! But never mind, this week is a new week and may the next weigh in be better!

I have tomorrow off work (but only cause the office is closed) so will do a more detailed update tomorrow at some stage.

Catch ya all later

Hi all

Probably not too much to say tonight as I nothing much has happened really.... I know I have been talking a lot about Jude lately in my journals and probably will do for sometime (as she is a very special friend of mine who has been there when I have needed someone and now I am just being there for her) so please bear with me whilst we go through everything. Jude had a call from the hospital today and has an appt to see the surgeon on Friday morning to discuss whether the cancer is operable and if not what her options are! But overall today - she is a lot better than yesterday which is great news but we all know she will have her bad days over the next wee while - we are just hoping that there won't be too many of them!

Work today - another hectic day but we got there in the end! I had my old but new boss (the job that I am going back to) ask me again today if there was anyway I could start earlier but there is just no way I can do it. If D wasn't going on leave the week before I finish then I would ask for an early release but with her being on leave (for her daughters wedding) it just can't be done.

Food today has been great (ooops except for another sante bar) and water has been great too with about 2 litres drunk today! Exercise - went for a wonderful walk when I got home - a brisk 5km walk which took me 43 mins and boy I felt good when I got home and can really feel it in my butt and upper legs :) But thats probably partially to do with the hard session at the gym yesterday as Robyn always says it takes 24hrs to feel "good" pain after a work out.

Oh still frustrated with body as one day I am spotting and the next I am not so at this stage I will still be going for my scan on Friday morning...

Right am outta here now - will catch up with ya tomorrow all going well (got the gym and then a visit to Judes) otherwise will update on Thursday evening.

Ciao

Hi all

Well its 8.43pm and I am shattered... once again I need to thank you for your kind words and well wishes to Jude. I have passed them on to her and told her to check in here when she has the energy. She hasn't had a good day today with a lot of stomach pain so after the gym I went to Woolies for her and got her a 6 pack of dry ginger ale for her to sip on and then sat with her for an hour or so whilst she had a wee snooze and did a bit of chatting. Back home, dinner, here... and then it is bed time for me!

Work today was full on but another successful payrun completed and the second one with the new system. I did ask D for a couple of days off so I could have some "me" time but as I predicted the answer was no as we are too busy! A couple of the girls in the office think I should just take it or call in sick but I am not one to cause trouble and certainly don't want to be seen that way in my last few weeks with the company as they have been great to me over all!

Food today - except for a sante bar after lunch my food today has been great though as I got home late I have just finished dinner and I do hate eating late especially as I go to bed early... but thems the breaks at the moment with everything thats happening. Water today - just over 2 litres so am impressed with that. And a great session at the gym finished my day off nicely.

Oh I am frustrated with the scales at times - yes I am a daily weigher but don't let them get to me as such but sometimes I just want to throw them out the window! I got on them stark naked (sorry for that picture) before I got in the shower this morning and the magical number of 89.4 flashed up and I thought WOW so got off and immediately got on them again and this time they said 91... go figure that one out!!! But I am not dwelling on it - just plodding on as per normal.

Right time for me to get moving.... so will catch ya all later and once again thanks for the lovely comments and support - you guys rock!!!

Hi all

Sorry for the lack of updates over the last few days but things have been rather hectic both at work and at home!

Work on Friday was chaos but we were getting there when I got a phone call from my friend (who has now said I can name her on here) Jude to say that she had received the worse news and that is there is cancer on the bowel which had spread to the liver! Not good at all.... they have done biopsy's and will know in about 7 days as to whether the tumours are operable or not and if not what treatments are available to her! I was pleased to hear her say that she is going to see her Naturopath this coming week and she is also going to have some Reki healing done (her friends mother is a healer) so that was good to hear rather than her just thinking about Chemo etc! So once I got the news I just broke down and D sent me home via the hospital. So I spent an hour or so there and she was then discharged and I went off to my first Reki session with Christene and that was amazing. My body is apparently lacking in Iodine so have had to buy some of that and need to apply it to my feet each night and initally when I wake in the mornings my feet will be clear as it will have absorbed all of the iodine so I have to keep on doing that until my feet are still yellow from the Iodine when I wake up! Also need to take Kelp tablets - apparently a lot of my glands are up the "kilter" so have got some of those as well! Soooo after the Reki session I picked up some tea for Steph and I, had tea with him and then went and sat with Jude for a couple of hours until she was ready to go to bed... her son was staying with her for the night which was great.

Yesterday, I woke early and headed to the gym and had a great session! I was the only one there (apart from Robyn) until about 5 mins before I finished so that made it even better! :) Home, showered, washing, housework, then headed into town to meet some ladies from a miscarriage forum that I belong to. I had organised it as there seemed to be quite a few other ladies in Wgtn who had been through miscarriages recently... in the end there was only 3 of us there but we had a great time and did some great talking and it was great putting faces to names. We hope to do it again in say about 3mths time and perhaps get some of the others along too! I was very good though by saying no to Garlic bread (a very rare thing for me to do) and then I had a lovely salmon fillet and kumera salad with a white wine dressing for lunch and whilst the other two had dessert I sat there with a lovely Hot Chocolate :)

Got home from that about 3.45pm, lay down for a wee while as I had a headache, then off to do the grocery shopping, home again, then back to Judes as I had offered to spend the night up there to keep her company and I was just afraid of her being by herself at night.... we had an awesome evening and did HEAPS of talking and shed a few tears too! Watched some girlie DVD's and just blobbed out. So after having a shower and brekkie up there I headed home to my wonderful Stephan who doesn't mind me spending time with Jude as he knows how much of a friend she is to me! So have cleaned the birds cage, done a small load of washing and now just blobbing out here....

Almost lunch time now (12pm) and we are going to have BLT's for lunch (with that low fat chicken bacon) and then we think we may head over to Wainuiomata and catch up with a couple of friends.

Then it will be home and winding down and mentally preparing ourselves for another week of working etc...

Hope you are all having great weekends... catch ya later

Hi all

Just a quickie between tea and going to the hospital.... I did go to weigh in and some how I managed to lose 500gms which takes my total loss back to 37.0 kilos. My chances of making my two mini goals now which were to be in the 80's and to have reached the 40 kilo mark by 6 Nov are getting more less likely now but on saying that - there are still 3 weigh in's to go and 3 kilos to go till the 40 kilo mark (and 2.3 till I am in the 80's) so it is acheivable but it has been a hell of a long time (in fact I can't recall if I have ever done it) since I had 3 big losses in a row but who knows.... anything is possible. And as Barbara said - if I don't make it I am not too look at it as a failure as I will be very close to it and will acheive it just as soon as I can... especially considering what I have been through recently!

Right on to my friend - thank you all for your lovely kind words - I was blown away by them and even shed a tear or two as well whilst reading them. I guess I am only doing what I know she would do to me and she was one of my biggest supporters when I went through the miscarriages so I guess I am "paying her back" so to speak. But on saying that I would do this for any of my friends if they were in this situation as well (touch wood as I hope none of them are...)! She has been kept in for another night whilst they do more tests - the "tube down the throat" procedure today showed no internal bleeding which in itself is a relief but doesn't answer the question as to why she is so anemic (excuse spelling) so they want to do some more tests etc whilst they have her in there!

Work today was hell - but just as well I only have 4 weeks left of it!!! Yeap thats right I have handed in my notice there and start my new job in 4 weeks time :):):) I got the job that I talked about a few weeks back but have had to keep it underwraps so to speak for certain reasons. So with my friends situation, my resignation, and all the other emotional stuff I have been through this week its any wonder that I am so shattered!

Oh I am booked in for a scan myself for next Tuesday afternoon as it has been 7 weeks since the miscarriage and the D&C and I had spotting for 5 weeks and then have had TOM for 2 weeks now and it is really starting to wear me down now! They just check to see if there are any "retained products" (god I hate that term) left in my utureus and if so - I am back in the hospital for another D&C!!!! Guess that can be seen as a good thing but makes me shit scared at the same time! Especially as that would mean more time off work!

Anyway, this was supposed to be a quickie and as normal I have rabbited on and on.... hope you are all doing ok - I am trying to make the effort to keep up with everyones journals and comment when I can... Will catch up again real soon

Hi all

Just home from the hospital (8.30pm) and have had a quick tea which Steph had cooked for me. Am shattered but will get there. My friend is doing quite well considering all the circumstances... she needs 4 units of blood and as we were leaving they were just starting the 3rd unit - she is being awfully brave considering her hate of needles etc! The preliminerary results of the CT scan indicate that the cancer is in the liver but waiting for the final results (hopefully tomorrow) for confirmation of if it has spread any where else... They also fear internal bleeding - not 100% sure what that means healthwise i.e. has the cancer spread, does that mean something else is wrong with her.... but am sure I will have more answers tomorrow night but maybe some of you out there can help me out... She is definitely looking a lot better and we were busy telling her thats due to the blood she was receiving coming from a good looking healthier person!!! LOL

Foodwise today - all things considered I have done well - just hate having dinner so late when I am going to bed soon but thats life :) Water - about 1.5 litres again today so am ok with that. Exercise - never made it to the gym but then I didn't think I would get there anyway so am not too concerned about that as my friend comes first!

Still not sure about getting to weigh in tomorrow - my friend should be discharged all going well tomorrow afternoon in which case I should be able to make it (depending on my mood LOL) and then home, have tea, spend a bit of time with Steph and then maybe pop up and see her for a wee while... otherwise I will see her Friday evening. She has her parents staying with her and her son as well is spending the days with her so I know she is in good hands but like I said last night I do feel hopeless in times like this and a lot of memories of Dad being ill are coming back rapidly....

Right I am out of here - this is a bit longer than I thought it would be.... will catch ya all later!

Hi all

Today has been rather a mixed bag today as I have found out that a dear friend of mine is pregnant and have also read that two other "bloggers" are pregnant as well... all of this the day after my first angel would have been due... so I have shed a few tears this evening over that but at the same time I have to say how pleased I am for them all! And one day it will be my turn again!

But on top of this all; I have also had to deal with some very sad news - a very special and dear friend of mine has been told that she has to go into hospital tomorrow for a CT Scan as they suspect she has Stomach cancer! This has blown me away and even though we havetalked about the worse case scenerio over the last week or so this has blown me away and knocked me for 10! I went up to her place after work this evening for a wee while until her parents arrived from up the line... they are taking her out for dinner and want to spend some quality time with their daughter. So she goes into hospital tomorrow for a blood transfusion in the morning, a CT scan in the afternoon - has to stay the night and then first thing Thursday morning she is having "the tube down the throat to see the stomach" (sorry can't recall the correct terminology here) procedure! Once all this has been done, the specialist will then confirm the inital suspicions of the cancer but he is pretty confident on what he has seen from the inital scan she had the other day! She is a very special friend to me and I know all I can do is to be there for her and to offer her any support I can but at the same time I am feeling so useless but she knows I am here for her and that is the main thing! So I will be going to visit her at the hospital tomorrow after work... but her parents and her son will be with her through out the day so am pleased she will have their support to get her through the day.

So back to work - full on day as D was away today and I wasn't really with it as my mind kept wandering back to my friend and thinking about her appt with the specialist this afternoon and once she rung me and broke the news to me - I went downstairs and had a cry with "L" and then took her advice and packed up and headed home (it was about 3.45pm by now). So lets hope I can get quite a bit done tomorrow otherwise I will be in trouble... LOL Had a shock resignation today at work from one of the Snr Mgrs - am really gonna miss him despite our occasional run-ins we have had over the last couple of years. Everyone is a bit shocked over this and wondering what is going to happen to his role!

Food today has been relatively ok I guess considering the sort of day I have had.... everything has been good except 1 sante bar and a few fruit puffs this afternoon. Water - about 1.5 litres so am ok with that as that is the minimum I aim for each day. Exercise - well I was planning on a walk this evening but with the last minute visit to my friends place and then coming home and having a good cry with Steph and then doing dinner etc I never quite made it. But apparently Robyn from the gym rung whilst I was out to see how I was and if I was sore from yesterday - Steph didn't really know and said he thought I was ok... and overall I guess I was - was just a bit tender in the tum and bum which are the areas we are working on so she will be ok with that. Not sure if I will get to the gym tomorrow night as I would rather visit my friend in the hospital and if I do the gym, by the time I get home, showered, tea... it would be almost 8pm before I got down there and that is too late really.

Scales are still up a wee bit but at this stage I am not even sure if I will get to weigh in - will all depend on how my friend is doing - if she is still in hospital I will be going there (but then again weigh in is literally just down the road from the hospital so no excuse really) but even if she is home I will go and visit her there... so will see how the time goes on Thursday.

A big thank you to you all too for the emails and comments re my first angels EDD yesterday. They were lovely to get and touched my heart.

But right thats enough rambling from me - gonna ring my mum and tell her the news about my friend. Might try ring my sister too....

Catch ya all later

Hi all

Before I get into how my day was I just want to share a poem on a sad day for me... today would have been my due date had we not lost our first angel and it has been an up and down day for me.


To the Child in My Heart

Precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family

We never had the chance to play
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I’ll always be your mother
He’ll always be your dad
You’ll always be our child,
The child that we had

But now your gone….but yet you’re here.
We’ll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We’ll forget you never –
The child we had, but never had,
And yet we will have forever



As much as I would loved to have had the day off today and to have spent it with Steph, both of us had to work which I guess in a roundabout way was better for me especially as it kept my mind occupied and made the day seem bearable. It has only been this evening really that I have had time to sit and think about our angel and what could have been!

Today has been a full on day at work with D back on board after a 2 day course up in Auckland. So there was lots to catch up on and the day just flew by!

Foodwise today - I would love to say brilliant but in all honesty I can only say it was "ok".... had some liquorice allsorts this afternoon and then for tea we had sausages. Now we would probably have sausages about every 3 weeks and they are usually quite nice but for some reason the ones we had tonight were quite fatty but yeap I still managed to eat them which disappointed me in some way but then again I was starving so just wolfed them down!

Water today - about 2 1/4 litres so yay for me on that one! :)

Exercise - despite much resilance and not wanting to do my new programe I went to the gym and throughly enjoyed every single minute of it! Managed to do 3 mins on the rower (with correct posture etc), did 8 mins on the bike, 4 mins on the cross trainer (2 mins forward, 2 mins backwards) and 8 mins on the treadmill! This is the most cardio (apart from walking) I have done in a long time as I have been avoiding the rower for almost the whole year I have been at the gym and will avoid the cycle and cross trainer if I can... so for me to have done time on all of them today is something I am proud of! Also did all the other stuff too and Robyn was really proud of me as I did the squats with the bar (hard to explain) as I was almost in tears doing them on Saturday but yet today not a problem at all! Roll on Wednesday is all I say!!!

Thanks for the great comments about my shopping spree over the weekend - I will take photos of all the new clothes and shoes and post them on here once I know how to put pics on blogger! LOL But I am learning slowly... oh shit speaking of learning I must finish doing my links too.... I promise I will get there but in the mean time my main page (www.geocities.com/cuddly_nz_gal) has a page with all links on it but there are a lot more to be added since I last updated that page as well! Oh I wore one of my new tops today (for Helena and Janines sake - it was the multi coloured cross over one) and got heaps of compliements so yay for me and yay for you two for helping me choose it!

Right I am outta here as I want to ring my mum and catch up with her. Take care and will catch ya all tomorrow.

Hi all

Shit where has the time gone since my last update on Thursday evening??? So make sure you are comfy and settle in for a long post (well hopefully not tooooo long) :)

Hmmm back to Friday - a hell day at work as I arrived there bright and bubbly and confident I would acheive what I had to... to find an email from my big boss to say that the auditors were coming back and wanted to spend time with Payroll (alias me as D was in Auckland) so that threw me totally and I think I lost about 2.5hrs with him sorting stuff out. Don't think he liked some of the stuff I said but tough! So after all that I didn't finish what I wanted to and will probably get a "telling off" by D when she gets in on Monday but tough flaming titties! Friday night I went up to my friend Judes place as she is not very well at all so to ensure she had something to eat I took up some Fish 'n' Chips for her (and me too) - Marianne thanks for the recommendation of that Fish 'n' Chip shop - I went there and it was beautiful and oh some yummy!!! Watched some of the rugby with Jude and then came home about 8.30pm as she was knackered and wanted to go to bed.

Saturday - I was up bright and early to get to the gym for my one on one with Robyn at 8am! I really was not in the right frame of mind to get a new programme as I was not enjoying it at all but when one thinks about it now Robyn did make some very valid points and I guess once I get settled in with my new programme I will start to see the benefits of it all! I now have a total of 28 mins cardio and 20 mins of general exercises etc to do... The cardio is broken down into 4 x 7 mins on each cardio machine (treadmill, bike, rower and cross trainer) and I LOATHE/HATE the rower but after a wee "discussion" with Robyn about it all it comes down to the fact that I had the wrong posture for it therefore thats why I was getting sore knees etc so I have to start off doing 2 mins with the right posture, then slowly build up to 7 mins and then I can build up the speed! The same thing applies to the cross trainer - will start off with 2 mins with the correct posture and then slowly build that up over time. A lot of the other stuff is concentrating on my abs and posture (ie chest up, shoulders back etc) so will be interesting to see how I improve on that over time.

Anyway, home from the gym, shower, breakfast, hung out washing, vacumed, hung out more washing, then shot up to pick up Helena to take her on the long awaited shopping expedition!!! Oh god shops look out here we come..... LMAO!!! This had been planned for some time as Steph has been telling me to get together with Helena (as he trusts her and likes her taste) to get some new much needed clothes! Though I think he may be slightly regretting it now after we were gone for 6 hrs yesterday!!! hehehe So we took off to Porirua, first things first, loo and then lunch! LOL Then we hit the shops - Farmers first where I got two pairs of black pants - one good pair with grey stripes and so comfy! And the second pair are a linen pair which are offically 3/4 pants but yeap on me they are full length! LOL Next stop was K-Mart where I purchased a t-shirt in a style and colour (apricotty) that I would normally not even consider and also a white singlet (with sweetheart neckline) and an aqua blue cotton cardy to go over the top of the singlet. Next stop on the list was Millars - god Helena and I had a ball there and at one stage we were in the same fitting room trying on identical clothes! OMG it was such a hoot seeing how the same clothes looked on two totally different people - my short arsed 5ft compared to her tall 6ft!!! We were just cracking up the whole time! I didn't buy anything there (but Helena did...). As we were leaving and heading to the car we went past Hannahs where they had a sale on "buy 1 pair get the 2nd pair 1/2 price) so off we went and 15mins later out we came with 2 lovely pairs of summer shoes for me! One nice pair of strappy sandals and one pair of stappy slide on's!

Headed to Tawa after that to Dressmart and there we met Janine who joined in the fun of trying on clothes and having some laughs! There I got a mutlti coloured top (for work) from Bobbies (spent ages there trying on heaps of things) and then I got a stone colour pair of good trousers from Daisy-T (formerly Kooky fashions). Also checked out the Colarado Outlet Store where I saw an awesome pair of shoes 1/2 price but had to restrain myself from buying them as I had already spent a fortune! Checked out Bling as well - boy they have some great jewellery there and real cheap too! Might have to go back there at some stage.... Had a coffee break there too at BB's - must admit I wasn't that impressed with the Trim Hot Chocolate from there. By this stage the security guard was on the door so we guessed we better hit the road! LOL

On the way home, Helena suggested a quick stop at the Warehouse in Petone where I ended up spending yet more money.... got myself a lovely chocolate brown skirt (wearing it today) and a couple more pairs of gym pants. Took Helena home and dropped her off about 6pm much to Craig's relief and then headed home to a very worried Steph! His face was priceless when he saw all the bags I carried in but hey he was the one who told me to go spend some money!

Oh just a footnote about the shopping spree here - we both obviously tried on many, many more outfits and just couldn't buy them all! It was great being able to try on things for the sake of it not just because they fitted and that was all they had in your size! But the fun we had was amazing and we must do it again real soon but with Jo (and Rhian) as extra company! It was a shame that Jo was away for the weekend so next time Jo - you are coming too!!!

I was absoutley knackered, so as we had a pizza in the freezer that was dinner along with some oven baked chips. Watched Sgt Bilko on DVD and was almost falling asleep during that so was tucked up in bed by about 9.30pm! It was real hard work being on ones feet and shopping for 6hrs!!!!! LMAO

Today, I woke with the birds about 7.30am and as the sun was shining I lept out of bed and threw on my walking clothes and took off for a lovely brisk 5km walk and throughly enjoyed it though I must admit my feet were still a bit sore from all the shopping yesterday! Showered, breakfast, grocery shopping, quick visit to Stephs parents, lunch, cleaned Charlie's cage, then off I went delivering the Tupperware that everyone had ordered from my party!

Not long home from that, have brought the washing in, folded it and am now about to head off and cook Watties sweet and sour chicken on rice for tea!

So there you have it - my weekend all wrapped up - so I guess that explains why I haven't had the time to sit down and do an update before now! I do hope you have all had a good weekend - and for those Bathurst Fans - GO HOLDEN!!!!

Catch ya all later

Hi ya

Yeap slowly but surely I am finding my "old" self again... still have my doubts about my self confidence but am sure I will get there in the end.

Never made it to weigh in tonight though I had decided that I would try to make it but just ran out of time... unoffically my gain was 800gms (definitely better than than 1.5 odd kilos earlier in the week) but will see how much of that I can get rid of for next weeks weigh in.

Work today was pretty full on as D is in Auckland on a course so its just me doing the work and she has left me a list of things to get done which I am ticking off slowly.

Left work early today to head to the dentist for my first half of the required fillings... but as he was giving me the injections he made a comment about doing the WHOLE lot in one hit and I said NO WAY!!! One for financial reasons and two due to time... but as he had already done the top two injections he had to do all the top row fillings today! Which of course meant that I was unable to chew or anything on either side.... which in turn meant a light meal of scrambled eggs for me tonight LOL

But after the dentist, I headed down to Lower Hutt to have my massage (Steph had gone ahead of me) and despite what Kate said in yesterdays comments I still don't really feel like I deserved that massage and to spend that money on me but hey I throughly enjoyed it as always! Whilst there I talked to Christene about Reiki (spelling) healing which she also does as I have been contemplating some natural form of aiding my body for when we start trying for our much wanted baby... so am booked in for 4 sessions for the next 4 Friday's so am really looking forward to that and at the same time she will do some colour healing as well. A wee bit costly but no more than accupuncture, homepathy or anything like that and when it is your body every dollar spent is well worth it!

So basically, it was then home, had my scrambled eggs whilst watching Super Nanny - god what a brat on there tonight!!!!!

But right its about 8.45pm now and don't want to undo too much of Christene's hard work this evening so want to go to bed whilst still relaxed... and will catch ya all over the weekend.

Ciao

Hi everyone

A BIG BIG thank you to you all for your lovely supportive comments left after last nights "down" entry. Some of them had me in tears after I had read them especially since I haven't even met half of you in person I was blown away by the lovely comments - so once again thank you

Today has been a bit better though I had a very restless night and when I woke I was still a bit grumpy and rather tired but I guess as the day has progressed things have slightly improved... I think! :) Work today - rather busy but slow at the same time if that makes sense - too much to go into on here but boy I sure have heaps to do in the next couple of days whilst D is in Auckland on a report writing course! Wish it was me so I could have caught up with my wonderful Auckland buddies but never mind.

Food today - hmmmm once again not the best but not the worst either I don't think. Had a spur of the moment lunch of Chinese (rice, veggies and egg fu young) whilst out shopping with a couple of girls from work for a baby present for our manager whose wife has just had their second son. Came home thinking that we were having my favourite sweet chilli chicken and veggies for dinner to find Steph had in fact decided to do butter chicken - hmmm was absoutely delicious but not what I had been "hanging out for" but never mind at least he cooked dinner :) Water today - about 2 litres today so a BIG improvement on yesterday. Exercise - after much self talk and contemplation I made it to the gym and once again once I got stuck into my routine I was really pleased that I had made the effort to go and enjoyed my session there. Have got my one on one with Robyn at 8am on Saturday so that should be "fun" :)

Still got a way to go on the self image side of things that I mentioned last night but am sure I will get there ONE DAY! But with all you lovely awesome gals supporting me I know I will get there as you all rock!!!!

Not sure if I will get to weigh in tomorrow as like I said last night the scales are pretty high up on last week so not wanting to go and have that gain offically recorded when I know where I went wrong etc.... but also have a full on afternoon/evening planned with the Dentist and then straight to a massage! Now I know I do not deserve this massage as I usually try to use them as rewards for goals but Steph really needs one for his neck and shoulder and he is a wuss and won't go alone! LOL Damn shame - means I have to get one too as there was no way I was going to sit there and watch him get one and not have one myself! LMAO So as much as I don't deserve it I am gonna have one anyway!

So will catch ya later either tomorrow or Friday :)

Hi all

Am feeling rather "funny" today - am feeling blue, am feeling fat, am feeling skinny, am feeling tired, am feeling just strange over all...

Ok I am confused so I guess you guys are too - so I will try not to turn this into a pity post as that is certainly NOT what I want - I am using the journal as a place to express my feelings and concerns and that is all... not sure how to make entries in "blogger" private as yet otherwise I would consider doing that depending on what comes out of my fingers in the next wee while.

At the same time as feeling skinny and looking good today - I also felt short, fat and ugly (I often used to call myself that). I wore makeup today to work for the first time and no one commented at all so why did I go to that trouble this morning... All I wanted to do this evening was go for a walk (and yes I know its not too late yet) but I can't be arsed doing so but yet in my mind I am telling myself to go but physically I just don't want to and can not be bothered! Who knows maybe I will go later since daylight savings has started but odds are that I won't! Will probably end up here at the computer - maybe even eating god knows what!

Yes I did enjoy the gym yesterday but today is another day altogether - one that I don't want to be in at all! I do hate these days but I find they are happening more often lately - maybe it is something to do with work, maybe it is something to do with life in general, maybe it is something to do with my lifestyle... god only knows what it is cause I sure as hell don't!

Food today - not good as I am finding myself slowly slipping into old habits (i.e. chocolate each day) and as much as it really brasses me off I keep on flaming well doing it! Water - whats that today - only 750mls today if that! Exercise - well we covered that above.

I think I need to do a lot of self-talk re the "short, fat and ugly" tag that I have given myself for so many years as I really think that has something to do with how I am feeling as I find myself using that tag a lot more often recently after rarely using for a number of months! Yes I am short - not a lot anyone can do about that! Yes I am fat still - I may have lost almost 40 kilos but I am still considered fat and obese by all standards! Yes I am working on that issue but right now I ain't getting very far at all! And yes I do see myself as ugly at times but I think that is mostly weight related but sometimes it does go deeper than that... but I guess that is something that I have to work through overtime and by myself. And one more thing I see myself as is lazy!! Yes I know I go the gym etc but at times I still struggle as seeing myself as a fit person or at least someone who is on their way to becoming fitter! If I wasn't lazy I would be out walking rather than sitting on my big fat arse on the damn computer!

Anyway, am gonna sign off now as I think I have said enough - I am going to finish doing tea etc... oh probably won't be going to weigh in this week as I have the Dentist to go to and also other stuff to do and in all honesty unless there is some bloody drastic change in the next 24 hrs I would be avoiding it anyway as I am not going to go there to record a huge gain when the only person to blame is myself!!!

Before I start - this is the post that I sat down and wrote last night but then blogger decided to play up.... grrrr! But lets try again now before I leave to catch my train :)
Have a great day everyone and I will be back tonight.

Hi all

Well so far so good with my blog experience though I did say that if my post yesterday worked (which it did obviously) that I would do a post on my journey so far for those just joining my journey.

So the story goes as follows (will TRY to keep it brief and to the point):
I started my weight loss journey in Feb 2003 when challenged by my now sister in law to lose 15 kilos before our wedding (Oct 03). So I accepted the challenge and joined WW and weighed in at 129.2 kilos!!! I mean holy moly that is bad especially when I am only 5ft 0"!!! So off I started with my journey and managed to lose 19.2 kilos prior to the wedding which I was wrapped about as was the rest of the family and friends who knew about my challenge and who were supporting me all the way.

Late 03/early 04, I started getting bored and frustrated with WW and couldn't really afford the $17/wk when I wasn't able to stay for meetings etc due to work commitments so I made the switch to a privately run slimming group called "Positively Slim" which is based in Lower Hutt (Wellington) and is run by a lovely lady called Barbara. The sessions there are one on one and cheaper than WW and have been with Barbara ever since!

In Oct 04, I made the decision to join a gym so yeap have now been a "gym bunny" for 1 year and loving it 99.9% of the time! :) I go to a small private gym in Upper Hutt called "Life Fitz" which is exclusive to women and has a fantastic atmosphere and lots of fun! Obviously there isn't the huge range of equipment the bigger fancier gyms have, but Robyn has the essentials there and I have never heard any complaints from anyone. In fact, I was just saying to one of the ladies there this evening that there has only been 2 times in the year I have been there that I have thought "wow its crowded here today" - most of the time I would say the average number of ladies there is 4 which is a great number really.

When I think that it has taken me two years (wedding anniversary coming up later this month) to lose the next 20 kilos I am shocked and disappointed I guess BUT the main thing is that I have not given up and I am still hanging in there and trying hard and I will keep on losing this excess weight! My WW goal was about 50 kilos from memory which would mean I am only 1/2 way through this journey but Barbara has initially set my goal at a lot more realistic target of 80kilos and then we will take it 5 or 10 kilos at a time from there! But like others have said this week - it is so damn hard to visualise yourself at goal when you can not recall ever being that weight for god knows how many years! I mean I for one know that it has been about 10 years since I was in the double digit club... so that in itself was a milestone for me!

2005 has been a very hard year for me especially emotionally - I suffered my first miscarriage in March losing our angel at 10 weeks. 3 mths later I was pregnant again and then at the scan at 13 weeks we were told that there was no heartbeat! I was absolutely heartbroken as I really thought that since we had passed the magical milestone of 12 weeks that every thing would be ok (even though I know things can happen at all stages of pregnancies). This is the 6th week since I had the D&C for that miscarriage and my cycle is just returning to normal (I hope) - well am just finishing my first TOM so am counting cycle days now to see how long this one is and when the next TOM arrives etc so we can start trying again! So given everything I have been through this year, I do feel that I survived remarkably well weight wise - in fact I have just checked my card and I am only down 6 flaming kilos since the first weigh in this year! Oh shit didn't realise it was that slow but hey better 6 kilos lighter than 6 kilos heavier I guess!

Well anyway, I hope that is a decent enough summary for those just joining me in my journey here... I will over time (and with some help) add links to the side to my old entries in both geocities and diary-x. I will also add a pic sometime soon and add lots more bits and pieces - I do love creating these new things but since I spend all day on the computer at work sometimes my brain just doesn't want to get creative in the evenings etc...

Soooooooooooo on to today - work was really full on but we did go live with our new payroll system so fingers crossed we will all get paid tonight but I have every confidence that things will be just fine!

Foodwise today - hmmmm not the best - I blame the stress of work and late hormonal surges from TOM today on my chocolate and lolly session! Bugger but can't undo what I have already done - just need to make better choices tomorrow and the day after and the day after etc! Water though has been good - over 2 litres today so am pleased with that. Exercise - after much deliberation and contemplation I did head to the gym this evening as my gear was still in the car boot from last Monday when I never made it. Wasn't sure how I would go especially with my coughing etc but had a great session and am pleased I made the effort.

Right that’s it from me for now - hope you are still alive and I haven't bored you all to tears. Will catch ya all tomorrow at some stage. Ohhhhh before I go I knew there was one more thing I was gonna mention - for those of you who have got links to my journal on your site can you please either direct the links directly to here or use my main geocities page (www.geocities.com/cuddly_nz_gal) - ok need to learn how to do links here but I will learn.

Night all :)

Hi all

Right I thought I would see if this works as my first entry into "blogger".

Have had a real funny day today - started off really well and I thought yay TOM is easing off and I am coming right but unfortunately no such luck for me :( So after a wee sleep in this morning (8.30am daylight savings time) I didn't really do a lot - just mucked around having breakfast, cleaning Charlies cage and then just sitting on the deck reading my book.
About midday we decided to "hit the road" and went down to Queensgate to take my watch into Michael Hill to get the clasp on the strap fixed, then we had lunch at the foodcourt there - had a chicken burger and some chips. Wandered around some other shops for a while before heading up to Steph's parents place for a cuppa and a catch up with them. Think we stayed there for about an hour before heading home - we were on our way home when I got a txt from Helena seeing if I wanted to go walking with her this afternoon - boy I REALLY REALLY wanted to go but TOM had decided to start getting heavy again a couple of hours earlier and I still have this blasted nagging cough and nasal problem (i.e. continous running nose) so despite my mind saying "go, go, go" I really did have to listen to my body and say "rest, rest, rest" BUGGER! I guess I could have gone but I didn't want to hold her up pace wise and didn't want to have to end up calling Steph to say "come and get me" LOL Perhaps next weekend if all goes to plan... :)
So have spent the later part of this afternoon just finishing my book and having a few crackers with some cheese on them whilst laying on the bed. Steph is glued to the TV as motor sports are on.
Am now here bored and trying to learn how to blog myself without anyone teaching me... LOL Will be interesting to see if this works or not.... guess the only way to find out is to save this and see what happens... if this works then I will post a more detailed one about my journey so far etc...